Patience

I feel like I'm going crazy! One of my bosses at work last week said, "You sure seem to have lots of drama going on in your life, but you don't seem like a dramatic person, nor does it ever seem to bother you". I guess that's a compliment, right? I find it funny. I feel like everything is crazy and like I can't get things straight in my head. There's so much going on, and sometimes I feel that I can't handle it. It was nice to know that my bosses and co-workers don't know all of that. I guess I usually only share details with a few select people of what's going on in my life. Lately, it seems I have fewer of those to confide in than I use to though. Upcoming court dates in January and February are on my mind every single day; scheduling off work, finding a sub, getting all the paperwork together I have to take to court, and preparing myself to keep my composure as well. Anything having to do with my son's future makes me get emotional- as I'm sure it does almost every parent. There's a reason I said almost every parent. I remember in 2002 when I was with my youth group here in Denton at our Jr./Sr. event, one of my friends who was a Jr. presented me with a Fruit of the Spirit Award- Patience. It always struck me as strange because I never considered myself to be very patient. I certainly don't feel like I have much patience right now. My seperation has lasted over 14 months now, and my divorce started 12 months ago. Finally, I have a real (can't be postponed) court date to finalize the divorce. I'm starting to feel relieved that I have something to look forward to. There are so many things I once had planned for my life, and all of those same things are what I still want. It's definitely going to happen differently that what I originally planned. I still want everything on my 'list' for Aaron and myself, more so now than I ever have before I think. Which brings me back to the patience... I want to start making a difference and checking some of those things off NOW! I don't want to wait any longer. I want to change and get things done now. I don't want to have to wait to find love again, which directly relates to wanting more children and a whole family again. Yes, I realize I do have to wait no matter what I plan. God's plan is the one that matters. I just wish that sometimes it was my plan too. That would be nice :) I also wish I didn't have to wait for a house, a backyard Aaron can have a tree house in, spending weekends with Aaron AND a completely wonderful guy who loves us both and wants a future with us, and all the stuff that follows. I want to build my own house. I want to physically help build my own house. I've always wanted to do that- my dad put all sorts of those dreams in my head and taught me how to do some of it too. My dreams will have to wait, hopefully not for long though. I know I need patience because I have no choice! If anybody has words of wisdom please share :)