Tag!

1. Two Names You Go By: Joyia and Mama
2. Things You Are Wearing Right Now:Pink Aero shirt and Victoria's Secret Jeans
3. Two Things You Want Very Badly At The Moment: An SUV and my own house
4. Two people who you look up to: My Dad for always doing everything he could while he was here to protect us, and Taylor for her Amazing strength
5. Two things you did last night: Text messaged as usual and checked messages of MySpace and Facebook
6. Two things you ate yesterday: I don't really remember, but I do know I ate kit-kats- so healthy!
7. Two people you last talked to: April Anderson and her parents Jim and Patty
8. Two Things you're doing tomorrow: Going to Carrollton to my uncle's house and EATING :)
9. Two longest car rides: Texas to Florida, and Texas to North Carolina
10. Favorite Holidays : Christmas and Easter
11. Favorite Vacations : Arkansas and Florida
12. Last trip: I guess a couple years ago with Alicia when we went to San Antonio-just so we could go to the zoo haha
13. Two favorite beverages: Dr.Pepper and IBC Root Beer

Tag you are it:
April Faulkner
Lyndi
Laura

UGHhhhhh

I'm tired of taking medicines! I'm tired of taking as many pills everyday as my elderly granparents! I'm young, I should be healthy. I want to feel healthy. I want to have energy to enjoy my precious son while I have the chance. I want to be able to accomplish the things I should and the things I once had planned. I want my 10 medicines to be cheaper so that when I am low on money I don't have to pick and choose which ones I refill and which ones I can put off a while. When I take them I don't just want them to do whatever they do to make my body work, but to actually make me feel better. And, then I just feel guilty for not feeling as thankful as I should for the things I do have. But, God, I just really want to get better. I pray that one day I won't have to take so much drugs all the time. I hope that the ones I do take are not just for helping for pain each day, but that they will help correct problems. I know that one day, hopefully not soon (because I want more time with Aaron), I will not be sick or in pain in Heaven. I look forward to that Day.

Frustrations...

This week has been rough. One day I came home after work to a broken fridge/freezer. Everything was ruined. Took a whole day to clean it all out. Two days of it not working, and it started freezing and cooling again, for whatever reason "it was healed". Don't get me wrong, I'm sooooooooooooo glad it started working again!! But, I really wish it hadn't ruined everything to begin with. I had to borrow money just to get those groceries, and then my mom didn't have any to loan me to 'rebuy' the same groceries. THANKFULLY- Friday I was approved for Food Stamps after 5 weeks of waiting. I applied 2 days after Adam said he was leaving because I really couldn't trust that he would help once he was gone. And, I was right! Another frustration- Adam has not helped me out with buying anything for Aaron since then. (Nor has he called to check or see his son either.) He told me his rent and bills come first, and then he will give me some if he has any left- uhhh, which he doesn't. I really hate applying for Food Stamps. I hate the office you have to go to in order to do it. I don't like some of the people you have to deal with there. They told me once that I was rich just because my car was paid off. They seemed nicer when I told them that the only reason I didn't have a car payment was because my Dad died and left enough to pay for my car in full. I had to tell them to look at my monthly income working at a preschool and having to pay for Aaron to be there still. One lady told me flat out- "If you have more children, you will be able to receive more government help." That is the most ridiculous and terrible reason to have a child! I don't want help. I wish I didn't have to ask for help. But, right now I do. And as soon as I don't need it, I won't take it. I use to be very independent and could do and handle everything by myself (well, with God's help of course). I didn't have to borrow from my mom or anyone. I miss those days. I also tried to find a 2nd job in retail to help out with bills and stuff. They all told me that they wanted someone who wasn't working another job and who didn't have a child. I guess they think I wouldn't be reliable enough? That kind of made me mad. I'm trying! I'm trying to work more! I want to work more! I don't want to have to have help...
Anyway, please continue to pray for me. I feel stressed and overwhelmed. I feel like nobody listens to me (except for my friends in the blogging world).

May God bless this family...

I find it a little difficult to pray for someone (an entire family in this case) when I don't even know there names. One of my bosses at the church called me into her office today. I was kinda nervous because this wasn't my immediate boss, but my boss's boss. Anyway, Miss D (I won't use her whole name) told me that a family in the church that I work at came to her and said they wanted to 'adopt' Aaron for Christmas. They apparently heard from someone that Adam had left and things were going to be tight for a while, so they asked if they could do an Angel Tree type of thing specifically for Aaron. It was extremely hard not to cry in that moment. I doubt that they even know me, but to come forward like that and to want to help my son... it has to be one of the most generous thing anyone has ever done for me. Whoever this family is- I am very thankful for them and for their Godly love and generosity. I pray that I will be able to do something this special for someone else when they are in need.

December 19th

Please keep this day in your prayers for Aaron and me. I received a copy yesterday of the original petition for divorce. December 19th is the temporary court hearing which will determine who receives temporary custody from then until the divorce is finalized in a few months. It will also determine temporary child and spousal support. I don't think that there will be any problems with me having custody or support, but just the miniscule chance of Aaron not being with me for even a short amount of time scares me to death! So, please pray pray pray just like I will be doing for the next month before the hearing. I don't think Adam is any kind of threat to Aaron in the slightest bit. I know he loves him. I know that he was once a very good father and wanted to be there every minute. However, the last year or so, Adam has not wanted to be around as much or shown any interest in how Aaron's day goes (what he eats, when he eats, how to change him, how to get him to sit on the potty, when he takes naps, etc.). I know Adam could 'figure it out' if he had to- in the small chance he would get custody. But, I'm 'mama'! I don't have to figure any of it out because I already know! I'm trying not to worry, and I really do know that God is taking care of Aaron and knows what's in his best interest. I wish the hearing would come much faster than being over a month away...

Busy busy

It feels like an eternity since I posted anything! So much has been going on in the last couple of weeks. I was trying to work more hours at the church and looking for a 2nd part time job. Apparently that was not meant to happen though. Aaron has been really sick for a couple of weeks with trips to the doctor, ER, and back to the ENT. We finally figured out that one of his ear tubes had fallen out and that ear was already really infected after it only being out a couple of days. So the ear infection was causing him to have an upper respiratory infection (which lead to breathing treatments and me worrying he would get pneumonia again). After 2 weeks and almost $300 dollars later he is FINALLY getting better! Thank God!! I worry so much when he gets the slightest bit sick because I know he will be prone to getting pneumonia for the rest of his life. That's due to the fact that he arrived so early (I guess his lungs weren't as fully developed as we thought), and since he has already had it before he is more susceptible. It all just reminds me of my dad. Every single time to got sick he would get bronchitis and pneumonia. I really hope Aaron won't grow up with the same problems. Adam and I also got into a fight (more like a one sided fight since he was the only one to talk) about how he thinks it's my fault Aaron was sick and had an ear infection. I wanted to punch him, but I am not a violent person. I just think violently in my head sometimes... :) We are waiting for Aaron's other tube to fall out now. Probably around Christmas he will have surgery again to put some more in to help him not get more infections and to help his hearing as well. Also this week- My lawyer's office contacted me yesterday to let me know that Adam was served with the court papers at his work yesterday morning. Adam has not called or talked to me in a few days so I'm assuming he is mad. I asked him to give me his home address, but he didn't- so it's not my fault if he was embarrassed by being served at work. Right? I'm sure you all will be surprised to hear that I am relieved and happy about the divorce process started now. It makes me really sad that things did not work out, but I was not happy for a long time. It's best that we end things while we can still get along enough to communicate about Aaron. I am trying to have faith that God has more happiness for me sometime in the future. It's been hard, but I have noticed that I have already been happier since he has moved out. I can be myself and not get yelled at every single day over something stupid. No one has been here to control my every move or thought. I will have great things happen in my life again, and hopefully someone will love me again. In the meantime (and forever) Aaron is my priority. I would appreciate everyone's continuing prayers. You all really mean so much to me!

Aaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

That's all I have to say at the moment. I'll write when I know what to say. My thoughts are just all over the place right now.